I feel like a stranger. To myself. How emo is that. But seriously I do. Who is this person I've become?!?
Anyone ever said anything to you and it hits you like a bus that they are not who you thought they were. Like your whole perspective of them is suddenly warped by that statement. Yea. That happened to me today.
Also. I am mad at computers. Just in general. I've had enough of their shit.
Goodnight.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Most depressing blog ever
You may not wanna read. This isn't touchy feely or sweet or funny or anything like that.
This is the blog of a person who is severely depressed. Whining about life. Blah blah blah. Stop reading now, I just need to write it down before it eats me alive.
How long is a relationship supposed to last. How long is it supposed to be good. Am I just kidding myself and thinking this is how everyone's life is? Is everyone who is with someone miserable? Does it have an expiration date? Can u push thru the expiration date? All these old people celebrating 20-30-40-50 year anniversaries, how many of those decades have they been unhappy. How many times have they wanted to give up. Is everyone just pretending to be happy? Bc if so then I am right on track for a long marriage. Maybe things will get better. I don't know. But I'm not giving up. I'm not. But how depressed can one person get before the depression gets said person. How much can a person take. How do u turn it around. How do u stop hating yourself and him.
Can things ever go back to when it was just sex and flowers and romantic backseat make out sessions? When I got such dry chapped lips bc we couldnt stop kissing eachother. Will that kind of love ever come back? Or is this just the evolution of a relationship.
I'm in actual physical pain at this point. These questions and those similar are giving me GI problems. Chest pains. My body feels as exhausted as I do
Mentally. How much more can I take. How do I dig out of this hole of misery and pain.
How can he love me. But hate me so fervently at the exact same moment.
I am desperate for love but despise the thought of his kiss.
Can u love someone and hate them at the same time? Sure. Can u be married to someone you love and hate? And who loves and hates you? I don't know that. I mean. I am. But how long till it makes us explode.
The little things about you that drive me
Crazy. The little things about me that drive you crazy. How much more can this relationship take.
I feel like we're just barely struggling every day. And I dont know what to do to fix it.
I don't like to be vulnerable. I'm tough. Always have been. Don't show weakness. Especially now don't show weakness. All this self doubt self hatred consuming my every thought. Why would I show that. "Tell me how you feel"
"fine. I feel fine"
When that's a bold faced lie.
But I'll never tell. Bc I'm too tough.
Doing more things that I regret more
Often. Am I acting out? Why am I acting out? Am I trying to ind an escape from this relationship? Somewhere maybe iny subconscious maybe. But no. An escape from this relationship would kill me. So then what. What's the
Reason
Why do I do these stupid things. So I can
Feel guilty and shitty. Self destructive much?
Just wanna
Roll over and cease to exist. Not kill myself. No. Just as though it never
Happened. As if I never happened. Go back in time and not be conceived.
I want to not be.
Again. Sorry of u read the whole thing. It was more
Just for
My Benefit.
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Saturday, August 25, 2012
In other news
I'm on the toilet right now. Which is why I'm blogging. You know. That's how i blog. Pants down.
Anyway. Kindergarten started. I had to go psycho mom. No biggie. My anxiety about it has gone down considerably since I lost it in the principals office.
It was weird waiting on the couch outside the principals office. Felt nostalgic. Like I was in trouble again for writing shit on the bathroom stall. Ah good times.
My otter box is fucked up. I'm surprised I can still see through it. Everything is Sepia. Which is kinda cool in a hipster sort of way.
Ok. About to wrap it up here from the toilet. Night night.
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Anyway. Kindergarten started. I had to go psycho mom. No biggie. My anxiety about it has gone down considerably since I lost it in the principals office.
It was weird waiting on the couch outside the principals office. Felt nostalgic. Like I was in trouble again for writing shit on the bathroom stall. Ah good times.
My otter box is fucked up. I'm surprised I can still see through it. Everything is Sepia. Which is kinda cool in a hipster sort of way.
Ok. About to wrap it up here from the toilet. Night night.
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Weird?
Had an awesome mini vacation at the beach. We were sober. Which was weird for us.
First we sat in the waves. IN the waves in our chairs. For a few hours. Then went to a Jason Mraz concert. An old couple in front of us tried to get it on with another Old couple. I really did not sign up for old people orgy. It was nauseating. I like to sit and make fun of people, and make no mistake, the fedora population the Way it was, there was an abundance of material. Haven't been to a good concert in a while. I freaking loved it. It was good for my soul. After the concert we went to get some food. Why there is no food after 11pm in that town i do not know. So 10 miles later we got to IHOP.
Everything Daniel said, the server couldn't understand. So i dared him to tell her that he was Russian. Which he DID. His little pansy ass didnt chicken out. In a seriously southern accent apoligized saying "Sorry my english isnt so good. Im from Russia" as southern as can be. She just kind of looked at him like 'Why are u telling me this?' said "oh ok" and walked away. How retarded. And as i said before, sober.
Then the next day was another day on the beach. Burned my feet on the deck. Deck? Dock? Dick? Whatever. Then back into the waves. Got some good seashells. Didn't die when I went in the water to "swim" the waves always try to kill me. But not this time. I just tried to soak in the sea. Thinking maybe I can just become one with the waves and melt down into a puddle of salt water to join my friends in our endless sweeping of the shore. But. Obviously didn't. Bc salt water can't blog.
Then time to hit the showers and head home.
Stopped at the Indian casino to try an get lucky. And I was getting lucky. Then I got cocky and lost all that shit. Felt used and abused. Casino raped me. Need a shower. Then we paid too much for the buffet. We had to wait out a storm. And I ate half my weight in shrimp. Nom. I wanna get back to the casino and get my free play back. Damn you. Getting me addicted to gambling. Maybe Daniel can get money bags to come too and spot me a fifty. Or something.
Oliver starts kindergarten in the morning. Which is probably why I'm up at midnight blogging. I'm freaking out. Just a tad. Alreadyhad to take a lorazepam earlier when I was packing his backpack. Can feel another anxious moment coming on now. Should take another but I've already medicated for bedtime. I think ambien, meletonin, Prozac, AND lorazepam may be one too many. But seriously. My baby is growing up. Sure sometimes he's an asshole who gets on my nerves but ever since he's been in part time daycare, he's home with me more often than not. I'm gonna miss him. More me time which will be great. But he's pretty awesome company.
Trying to cut down on our family's alcohol consumption as well. Not fun. Bc I really like being drunk. Like really. Maybe I can limit it to once a week. Plus Daniels a dick when he drinks. So he's not allowed to if I'm home. Mostly for health reasons. But also personal. We fight less when we drink less.
Or at least that's what the theory was. But now I'm wondering if it was just the beach made it all better. Bc we got along better this weekend than we have in months. Repairing our relationship. I thought great, eliminate alcohol and I can go back to loving him and not wanting to also stab him a little. But then we got home. And he was just as douchey as when we left. Is there a drug in the water supply here? That just makes you become an asshole? No I don know what the fix can be. Back to square 1.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
First we sat in the waves. IN the waves in our chairs. For a few hours. Then went to a Jason Mraz concert. An old couple in front of us tried to get it on with another Old couple. I really did not sign up for old people orgy. It was nauseating. I like to sit and make fun of people, and make no mistake, the fedora population the Way it was, there was an abundance of material. Haven't been to a good concert in a while. I freaking loved it. It was good for my soul. After the concert we went to get some food. Why there is no food after 11pm in that town i do not know. So 10 miles later we got to IHOP.
Everything Daniel said, the server couldn't understand. So i dared him to tell her that he was Russian. Which he DID. His little pansy ass didnt chicken out. In a seriously southern accent apoligized saying "Sorry my english isnt so good. Im from Russia" as southern as can be. She just kind of looked at him like 'Why are u telling me this?' said "oh ok" and walked away. How retarded. And as i said before, sober.
Then the next day was another day on the beach. Burned my feet on the deck. Deck? Dock? Dick? Whatever. Then back into the waves. Got some good seashells. Didn't die when I went in the water to "swim" the waves always try to kill me. But not this time. I just tried to soak in the sea. Thinking maybe I can just become one with the waves and melt down into a puddle of salt water to join my friends in our endless sweeping of the shore. But. Obviously didn't. Bc salt water can't blog.
Then time to hit the showers and head home.
Stopped at the Indian casino to try an get lucky. And I was getting lucky. Then I got cocky and lost all that shit. Felt used and abused. Casino raped me. Need a shower. Then we paid too much for the buffet. We had to wait out a storm. And I ate half my weight in shrimp. Nom. I wanna get back to the casino and get my free play back. Damn you. Getting me addicted to gambling. Maybe Daniel can get money bags to come too and spot me a fifty. Or something.
Oliver starts kindergarten in the morning. Which is probably why I'm up at midnight blogging. I'm freaking out. Just a tad. Alreadyhad to take a lorazepam earlier when I was packing his backpack. Can feel another anxious moment coming on now. Should take another but I've already medicated for bedtime. I think ambien, meletonin, Prozac, AND lorazepam may be one too many. But seriously. My baby is growing up. Sure sometimes he's an asshole who gets on my nerves but ever since he's been in part time daycare, he's home with me more often than not. I'm gonna miss him. More me time which will be great. But he's pretty awesome company.
Trying to cut down on our family's alcohol consumption as well. Not fun. Bc I really like being drunk. Like really. Maybe I can limit it to once a week. Plus Daniels a dick when he drinks. So he's not allowed to if I'm home. Mostly for health reasons. But also personal. We fight less when we drink less.
Or at least that's what the theory was. But now I'm wondering if it was just the beach made it all better. Bc we got along better this weekend than we have in months. Repairing our relationship. I thought great, eliminate alcohol and I can go back to loving him and not wanting to also stab him a little. But then we got home. And he was just as douchey as when we left. Is there a drug in the water supply here? That just makes you become an asshole? No I don know what the fix can be. Back to square 1.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, June 29, 2012
Nipples and apparently butts
My nipples are literally centimeters from reaching open air.
I'm writing a blog
And watching "Louie" funny stuff.
I mopped today. The whole house. Well no. I didn't mop Daniels gay room, bc let's face it, the moo couldnt handle that amount of asshole induced jizz. But the rest of the non semen covered house got the special treatment. I mixed floor wax and floor cleaner. Hence special treatment. Dunno if the chemical combine is why my head feels so fuzzy. But the floor sure does shine.
Louie is a good show. It's like real life. Makes u a little uncomfortable but u know your supposed to enjoy it but don't want to but then end up enjoying it anyway bc it's so irritably funny. Meant to say irresistibly funny. But irritably funny works too.
I feel like I need to start documenting my drunken escapades. Granted they're with my husband, but my asshole is sore, and I was apparently ok with it, and in real life, in real not ambien/alcohol induced life it's very sore and my sphincter is not ok with it.
That's right. That paragraph was about unwanted anal sex. And for future reference. No. No. I will shoot shit into your dick and you will have to pee it out the next time u try to enter in an exit only territory. You will have to pee shit out of your urethra if u go in the Backdoor. Your call.
Why is this whole blog about butt sex?
If I end it now, this will forever remain the blog I wrote about butt sex. Anal penetration.
But
But
I had more to say. Like I'm getting a sore throat and stuff, ah fuck it. Anal sex blog.
Butt blog
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Saturday, June 23, 2012
So maybe
I drink.
Maybe
If maybe meant absolute without a doubt def... Then MAYBE.
But when I take ambien I know I say some shit
I say shit when I drink and take ambien but don't remember saying it. Some of it, can't even remember what context it was in. Or how the conversation even started. So maybe I'll blog a bit. While I'm in this state. So I can read it sober. Maybe I'll get some of my inner most inspirations or desires or grumps out. Who knows
Currently on the toilet. It's the tannins. U know.
That pic up there is a little "pushing out a squishy one" and a little "chewing on a popcorn kernel" and a whole lotta "this smell is assaulting my nose"
Daniel laughed at me. I knew he spies on me while I poop.
Hold. Gonna take a pic of sneaky freaker
Sorry. Got diatracted by trying to figure out
My hair for tomorrow. I straightened it tonight. But it's kinda greasy so it'll prob have to be up. Not that anyone will care. Maybe the gay one will say something like "nice hair" (he's gay, but not so original)
I spelt original wrong initially and made me think I should be doing origami. That shit is cool. I used to be able to make a bad ass swan. Bet I could make a zombie swan. Hell yea.
Why am I obsessed with zombies? Like the zombie apocolypse would kick so much ass EXCEPT we have no real weaponry. No machetes. No swords, not even a real hard core ax! We could go after them with a weed whacker. Fuck with shotty tools like that we'll be eating faces in no time. Simeon needs to get on that. D
Dear Santa:
I want to be prepared for the zombie apocolypse.
Popcorn kernels are still stuck in my teeth.
Does everyone's thoughts bounce around as much as mine? Bc I think I may be crazy. Like a schizo or something. Bc my mind is everywhere. Psych ward here I come.
That's all for now. Gonna go research this critical care class. And helicopter safety. Shhh.
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Maybe
If maybe meant absolute without a doubt def... Then MAYBE.
But when I take ambien I know I say some shit
I say shit when I drink and take ambien but don't remember saying it. Some of it, can't even remember what context it was in. Or how the conversation even started. So maybe I'll blog a bit. While I'm in this state. So I can read it sober. Maybe I'll get some of my inner most inspirations or desires or grumps out. Who knows
Currently on the toilet. It's the tannins. U know.
That pic up there is a little "pushing out a squishy one" and a little "chewing on a popcorn kernel" and a whole lotta "this smell is assaulting my nose"
Daniel laughed at me. I knew he spies on me while I poop.
Hold. Gonna take a pic of sneaky freaker
Sorry. Got diatracted by trying to figure out
My hair for tomorrow. I straightened it tonight. But it's kinda greasy so it'll prob have to be up. Not that anyone will care. Maybe the gay one will say something like "nice hair" (he's gay, but not so original)
I spelt original wrong initially and made me think I should be doing origami. That shit is cool. I used to be able to make a bad ass swan. Bet I could make a zombie swan. Hell yea.
Why am I obsessed with zombies? Like the zombie apocolypse would kick so much ass EXCEPT we have no real weaponry. No machetes. No swords, not even a real hard core ax! We could go after them with a weed whacker. Fuck with shotty tools like that we'll be eating faces in no time. Simeon needs to get on that. D
Dear Santa:
I want to be prepared for the zombie apocolypse.
Popcorn kernels are still stuck in my teeth.
Does everyone's thoughts bounce around as much as mine? Bc I think I may be crazy. Like a schizo or something. Bc my mind is everywhere. Psych ward here I come.
That's all for now. Gonna go research this critical care class. And helicopter safety. Shhh.
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
10 reasons to live
BlOOOOOOOOOg
Want into my inner most thoughts? Prbably not, but read on anyway. I'm gonna number them. I'm watching the BIg C season 3 episode 2
1. My face feels funny. Kinda numb, I wanna slap it. In a mashonistic manner. Fucking damn google or bloodspot or whatever didn't recognize that what I meant was the -- person who hurts themselves because it feels good)) or whatever websster says.
Anyway, I think I'll slap myself bc it'll be gooooood
2. How mch wine have I had. I really like wine. even thigh this whine kinda tasted like fucking armpits. like gross tuskegee armpits. VOMIT-FEST!!!!!
3. I AM nodding. without even meaning to. UM. Ambien, 6 glasses of wine, an ambien, and prozac. I deserve to nod
4. Wish, If Only, One day, Soon, Maybe, If Only
5. Number 4 is the story of my godmann life
6. Daniel reminds me of the husband of the BIG C. reminds me bc he's so ridiculously nice. I mean if my husnabd was an asshole, well he wouldn't be my husband. but still. U know. UGH. I wish he'd be more of who he is with ought being an asshole to me and. Oh fuck lost my chop chop train of thought. Chug a chug aaaaaa.
7. These aren't counting down or nothing. just thought I could come up with 10 before I FELL asleep.
8. Diluted my glass enough to that I only really have 1/4 of a fucking glass of wine left. but too drunk to stay awake for the rest of it/
9. push some balls up against your too sexy foopa panties and fuciing die
10. HOW come 10 is the number that you go to.
FUCK
GO SLEEPY TOWN
Want into my inner most thoughts? Prbably not, but read on anyway. I'm gonna number them. I'm watching the BIg C season 3 episode 2
1. My face feels funny. Kinda numb, I wanna slap it. In a mashonistic manner. Fucking damn google or bloodspot or whatever didn't recognize that what I meant was the -- person who hurts themselves because it feels good)) or whatever websster says.
Anyway, I think I'll slap myself bc it'll be gooooood
2. How mch wine have I had. I really like wine. even thigh this whine kinda tasted like fucking armpits. like gross tuskegee armpits. VOMIT-FEST!!!!!
3. I AM nodding. without even meaning to. UM. Ambien, 6 glasses of wine, an ambien, and prozac. I deserve to nod
4. Wish, If Only, One day, Soon, Maybe, If Only
5. Number 4 is the story of my godmann life
6. Daniel reminds me of the husband of the BIG C. reminds me bc he's so ridiculously nice. I mean if my husnabd was an asshole, well he wouldn't be my husband. but still. U know. UGH. I wish he'd be more of who he is with ought being an asshole to me and. Oh fuck lost my chop chop train of thought. Chug a chug aaaaaa.
7. These aren't counting down or nothing. just thought I could come up with 10 before I FELL asleep.
8. Diluted my glass enough to that I only really have 1/4 of a fucking glass of wine left. but too drunk to stay awake for the rest of it/
9. push some balls up against your too sexy foopa panties and fuciing die
10. HOW come 10 is the number that you go to.
FUCK
GO SLEEPY TOWN
Monday, June 11, 2012
Tips for no tip.
Don't wanna have sex? Here are some fool proof ways to make your partner so completely turned off, they turn around go to the bathroom and have a good fap session.
Women
15. Talk about your asshole. In detail. Words like no-wiper, hairy, raw from a giant spicy dump. That kind of stuff. Sharts.
14. Comment that something smells like catfish. Which is weird bc there is no fish anywhere around. Wonder what it could be.
13. Don't shave. Anything. Your embarrassing mustache coming in. Bring it. Don't shave your legs or arms. Especially not your v. Make comments about how long it's been since you've shaved, who knows what could be living in there at this point. I wonder if you could even get thru the jungle that's all matted together.
12. Talk about how fiiiiiine Channing Tatum is. Or Robert Downey Jr. Mmm. This is funny bc then you can watch your man try to mimic either the behavior and style of them. ie: shaving that goatee down to look like Tony Stark. maybe if I look like iron man she'll think I can fuck like iron man no. Unlikely friend. Only iron man can fuck like fucking iron man.
11. Don't shower for a couple days. When asked about it say your trying to figure out your natural scent so you can bottle it and sell it and call it. 'Amazingness'
10. Talk shit about his mom. Bc chances are even though she really is a psychotic dope head he still gets offended when u call her a psychotic dope head.
9. Fall asleep. Easy enough. If your asleep your not fucking. Well you may be. In dreamland. But it'll be your choice of who, how long, what position, what planet, and your dog doesn't have to be watching from the foot of the bed.
8. Eat some of his least favorite food right before bed. OR eat something he's highly allergic to. That'll do it too. "oh sorry, you wanted to bang? I just really had a hankering for shrimp. Why did I shove some in my vagina? Well I wanted to get the whole experience. See you wouldn't know bc your allergic but that's actually how u eat shrimp. That's how real sea food lovers eat it."
7. Take a gigantic loud watery dump right before bed. With the door open preferably. When you come out say something like "that hurt so bad I was weeping in there" then hobble to the bed and lay on your stomach. Maybe add another sad "ow"
6. Give some completely off the wall disturbing reason. "I've really been thinking a lot about my dad lately. I know that usually puts me in the mood but not tonight." that'll leave him so freaked out his pecker will practically turn itself inside out.
5. Set the bedroom on fire
4. Say you've lost your birth control and all the condoms. In the fire.
3. Talk about how much you want a baby.
2. Say your on your period.
1. Chop off his penis.
Men
15. Ask her why she didn't do laundry
14. Tell her she needs to pick her dirty clothes up off the floor
13. Tell her she's wrong
12. Pull your dick out start floppin it around in the middle of her favorite movie
11. Poop with the door open
10. Ask for a foot massage
9. Make her fill her own gas tank up.
8. Stick up for your retarded hippie mother.
7. Play video games all night then come to bed at 2 am roll over and say "you wanna?"
6. Talk on your video game headset. Ever.
5. Make a face when the dinner she cooked was less than delicious.
4. Forget something she old you to get at the store.
3. Wink at her
2. Press it against her leg
1. Try and be sexy.
Foolproof. I'm telling you. Do these things and you'll be a born again virgin in no time.
Till next time bitches.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Women
15. Talk about your asshole. In detail. Words like no-wiper, hairy, raw from a giant spicy dump. That kind of stuff. Sharts.
14. Comment that something smells like catfish. Which is weird bc there is no fish anywhere around. Wonder what it could be.
13. Don't shave. Anything. Your embarrassing mustache coming in. Bring it. Don't shave your legs or arms. Especially not your v. Make comments about how long it's been since you've shaved, who knows what could be living in there at this point. I wonder if you could even get thru the jungle that's all matted together.
12. Talk about how fiiiiiine Channing Tatum is. Or Robert Downey Jr. Mmm. This is funny bc then you can watch your man try to mimic either the behavior and style of them. ie: shaving that goatee down to look like Tony Stark. maybe if I look like iron man she'll think I can fuck like iron man no. Unlikely friend. Only iron man can fuck like fucking iron man.
11. Don't shower for a couple days. When asked about it say your trying to figure out your natural scent so you can bottle it and sell it and call it. 'Amazingness'
10. Talk shit about his mom. Bc chances are even though she really is a psychotic dope head he still gets offended when u call her a psychotic dope head.
9. Fall asleep. Easy enough. If your asleep your not fucking. Well you may be. In dreamland. But it'll be your choice of who, how long, what position, what planet, and your dog doesn't have to be watching from the foot of the bed.
8. Eat some of his least favorite food right before bed. OR eat something he's highly allergic to. That'll do it too. "oh sorry, you wanted to bang? I just really had a hankering for shrimp. Why did I shove some in my vagina? Well I wanted to get the whole experience. See you wouldn't know bc your allergic but that's actually how u eat shrimp. That's how real sea food lovers eat it."
7. Take a gigantic loud watery dump right before bed. With the door open preferably. When you come out say something like "that hurt so bad I was weeping in there" then hobble to the bed and lay on your stomach. Maybe add another sad "ow"
6. Give some completely off the wall disturbing reason. "I've really been thinking a lot about my dad lately. I know that usually puts me in the mood but not tonight." that'll leave him so freaked out his pecker will practically turn itself inside out.
5. Set the bedroom on fire
4. Say you've lost your birth control and all the condoms. In the fire.
3. Talk about how much you want a baby.
2. Say your on your period.
1. Chop off his penis.
Men
15. Ask her why she didn't do laundry
14. Tell her she needs to pick her dirty clothes up off the floor
13. Tell her she's wrong
12. Pull your dick out start floppin it around in the middle of her favorite movie
11. Poop with the door open
10. Ask for a foot massage
9. Make her fill her own gas tank up.
8. Stick up for your retarded hippie mother.
7. Play video games all night then come to bed at 2 am roll over and say "you wanna?"
6. Talk on your video game headset. Ever.
5. Make a face when the dinner she cooked was less than delicious.
4. Forget something she old you to get at the store.
3. Wink at her
2. Press it against her leg
1. Try and be sexy.
Foolproof. I'm telling you. Do these things and you'll be a born again virgin in no time.
Till next time bitches.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Terrific. Haven't blogged for a while.
Watching Glee. Something smells like cookies.
Drinking wine. And listening to the cat break stuff in the other room.
Oliver's been semi-sickly lately. The headaches he's been getting are making him nauseous and throwing up. Then the other day he was having stomach pains so bad that we had I go to the ER. Where the doctor basically refused to treat him. Which I'm thoroughly pissed about. What kind of doctor doesn't treat damn children.
Buy a flask!!
I've made lots of them. 13 to be exact. I've had 16 orders total since I've started Etsy. Pretty damn good if you ax me.
Watching Glee. As I've already mentioned. Can't believe Rachel choked! Omg!
Wine. A whole bottle. Gurgle de gurgle.
I have nothing funny to say. I have failed you all.
Promise to blog next time I'm on the edge of exhaustion and delirium.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Watching Glee. Something smells like cookies.
Drinking wine. And listening to the cat break stuff in the other room.
Oliver's been semi-sickly lately. The headaches he's been getting are making him nauseous and throwing up. Then the other day he was having stomach pains so bad that we had I go to the ER. Where the doctor basically refused to treat him. Which I'm thoroughly pissed about. What kind of doctor doesn't treat damn children.
Buy a flask!!
I've made lots of them. 13 to be exact. I've had 16 orders total since I've started Etsy. Pretty damn good if you ax me.
Watching Glee. As I've already mentioned. Can't believe Rachel choked! Omg!
Wine. A whole bottle. Gurgle de gurgle.
I have nothing funny to say. I have failed you all.
Promise to blog next time I'm on the edge of exhaustion and delirium.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Driveway babbling
Sitting in the driveway. It's driveway wine time. Toby's family is out and I'm giving them the stink eye. Bastards. We don't like Toby.
Got my wine. And the shakes. What's that about? Pretty stupid if u ax me.
Mosquitos are biting me. Bastards. I have bug spray on. I can't win. My skin is peeling hardcore and Mosquitos are attacking. I think I'd be better off if I just didn't have skin. Skinless. Like a chicken breast. The good kind. Nom.
I don't really understand what I'm writing so if you don't understand either that's fully understandable. Understand?
I need to shave my legs. They're so hairy.
Oh I saw hunger games. It was glorious. I'm gonna go see it again soon. Bc I was a wee bit drunk the first time. I accidently got wastie-pants the afternoon before. Drunk an burnt.
Daniels bringing home olive garden. It's been a no cleaning no cooking kinda day.
Ya damn right!
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Got my wine. And the shakes. What's that about? Pretty stupid if u ax me.
Mosquitos are biting me. Bastards. I have bug spray on. I can't win. My skin is peeling hardcore and Mosquitos are attacking. I think I'd be better off if I just didn't have skin. Skinless. Like a chicken breast. The good kind. Nom.
I don't really understand what I'm writing so if you don't understand either that's fully understandable. Understand?
I need to shave my legs. They're so hairy.
Oh I saw hunger games. It was glorious. I'm gonna go see it again soon. Bc I was a wee bit drunk the first time. I accidently got wastie-pants the afternoon before. Drunk an burnt.
Daniels bringing home olive garden. It's been a no cleaning no cooking kinda day.
Ya damn right!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
DRUNKKKKKK post..... lookout
DOUCHE. THINK I CANT DO NOTHING MY DAMN SELF. YOU KNOW I FUDKINT KNO2 2HQ5 IM RUING DOING.
I MEAN.
YOU KNOW WHAT I KNOW AHT IM FUCKNG DOING@+!!!.
YOU KNOW.
DICK FACE SAYS: YOU SURE ARE TYPIN ALOT
YOU KNOW WHAT, BE A LITTLE LESS A PERSONALITY.
THT\ATS RIGHT LOOK IT UP DICK FACE
I'LL CLEAN THE DRINK UP. WHEN YOUR A DICK I WANT TO STABYOU MORE THAN EVRE.
ANNNNNNYWAY
HUNGERGAMES
GET ON BOARD. GONNA BUY A CROSS BOW TOMORROW. SERIOUSLY.
I MEAN.
YOU KNOW WHAT I KNOW AHT IM FUCKNG DOING@+!!!.
YOU KNOW.
DICK FACE SAYS: YOU SURE ARE TYPIN ALOT
YOU KNOW WHAT, BE A LITTLE LESS A PERSONALITY.
THT\ATS RIGHT LOOK IT UP DICK FACE
I'LL CLEAN THE DRINK UP. WHEN YOUR A DICK I WANT TO STABYOU MORE THAN EVRE.
ANNNNNNYWAY
HUNGERGAMES
GET ON BOARD. GONNA BUY A CROSS BOW TOMORROW. SERIOUSLY.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Mopped, now Trapped
I mopped myself into the nerd room. All that I can think of to do is blog. I've tweeted, facebooked, used the litter box, and I'm pretty much out of options. Kinda thirsty. Maybe I'll send Oli to get me a drink. The floor is lava. I'm too old to pretend the floor is lava. I'll just pretend I just mopped the floor and don't want to step on it or I'll have to mop again.
I got my hair did yesterday. I say it like that bc it makes me cooler. I know it doesn't really, but I keep telling myself that. It's going back blonde. I would've done it myself but it seemed like it would be more fun to have a complete stranger do it for over $100. And I was right. 4 hours later, $120 poorer my hair is SLIGHTLY blonder. Awesome. Red is too hard to keep up, blonde is simple. And I really could use some simplicity right now.
All the windows that are openable are open. It's windy, FREE AIR CONDITIONING!
I'm on Daniel's computer. His camera is looking right at me. It's making me paranoid. How do I know its not filming? How many times did I fart then check to make sure it was dry? Oh geez, how many times have a scratched my boob. Is this considered porn? I'm confused. I'm turning it away. Ok I feel better. Yea, film the wall bitch. How do u like me now?! Listening to the clickity clicks of the keyboard as I talk shit about u. Yea. I may have just picked a booger and hidden it somewhere on Daniels precious computing station, but you don't know that, bc u can't see me. Neener Neener.
Seriously, can someone take my kid. Just for a little while. He won't stop talking. WHY do you think I'm quiet? BC I'm the only one in this house who knows how to be quiet. "Why aren't you talking?" BC I WANTED A BIT OF SILENCE.
OK. so some black guy just drove by and picked up the metal pieces of junk that were on the side of the road. Daniel broke a desk and he went thru it and took anything metal out of the pile and drove off. I bet he's making a robot. Recycled Robot. Scary.
sip sip, ah. root beer.
Ok. I think I'm out of things to ramble about. So, I'm gonna go play with my kitty in bed. Who knows when I'm done, I may find Pip and play with him a bit too.
I got my hair did yesterday. I say it like that bc it makes me cooler. I know it doesn't really, but I keep telling myself that. It's going back blonde. I would've done it myself but it seemed like it would be more fun to have a complete stranger do it for over $100. And I was right. 4 hours later, $120 poorer my hair is SLIGHTLY blonder. Awesome. Red is too hard to keep up, blonde is simple. And I really could use some simplicity right now.
All the windows that are openable are open. It's windy, FREE AIR CONDITIONING!
I'm on Daniel's computer. His camera is looking right at me. It's making me paranoid. How do I know its not filming? How many times did I fart then check to make sure it was dry? Oh geez, how many times have a scratched my boob. Is this considered porn? I'm confused. I'm turning it away. Ok I feel better. Yea, film the wall bitch. How do u like me now?! Listening to the clickity clicks of the keyboard as I talk shit about u. Yea. I may have just picked a booger and hidden it somewhere on Daniels precious computing station, but you don't know that, bc u can't see me. Neener Neener.
Seriously, can someone take my kid. Just for a little while. He won't stop talking. WHY do you think I'm quiet? BC I'm the only one in this house who knows how to be quiet. "Why aren't you talking?" BC I WANTED A BIT OF SILENCE.
OK. so some black guy just drove by and picked up the metal pieces of junk that were on the side of the road. Daniel broke a desk and he went thru it and took anything metal out of the pile and drove off. I bet he's making a robot. Recycled Robot. Scary.
sip sip, ah. root beer.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Quotes from the nerd in the other room
THe husband is playing nerd game online. I have to hear it then so do u.
"Ouch... Silence."
"Ok, I've got 45 seconds left, I think"
"I hate you"
"moved some trash..." I don't know this one was garbled.
"They said capri's"
I may be off on that one, can't hear well.
I'm moving closer to hear better. Toilet blogging
"yea, thats what i always do, then into the vault"
"thats the second time this happen, sucks"
''Yea they're all the same guild"
"You say something??"--he yelled to me... Lily was bugging me while I was on the toilet. damn dog. doesn't she know I'm on a reconnoissance mission??!
"I hate you, het does it have me listed as UPS, I can't tell"
--again I'm filling in the blanks when I can't quite understand him, thats just what it sounds like
"Digbee, I mean Ridgebee's never wrong, huah huah huah"
---that last part was an "evil laugh"
"I'll do a boy guild with you too with the tordols"
"I have lots of tordols"
--tordols?? like the painkiller?
"they should make it that every time u kill a dragon, a gnome pops out of your belly and starts singing kesha... that'll work too"
--sounds like i'd make that up, but that one was word for word. word. for. word.
"Yea I like that , ha ha ha"
--that was lame fake laugh. not sincere, nobody bought it.
"I don't think he has thumbs so i think he can't play"
"I still think we should get on mumble, haha, oh thats the shit"
I'm on the toilet. My poo smells like someone has died and what little is left of their rotting corpse is finishing rotting in my toilet. I think I need a doctor.
Theres been silence from the other room for a while now. I think he's onto me, either way I'm getting bored. Lets pick it up nerd face.
"meh he he he"
"y'all see a story on can today, the picture of him was him on a yacht, watching the election results"
"didn't i tell u guys one time i was the political correspondent for a republican news site"
"not really"
"what an ironic name"
--come on talk more about dragon and gnome bellies. I can get on board with that. Instead I am just on bored. Puns! See how bored I am? Puns. tsk tsk
"yea its 40 seconds faster than my normal kill"
"yes please"
"oh you meant like an item, crap, dangit, I knew that"
"the sky on fire"
--he said this with a boston or new york accent. so fire was actually like "Fi-yuh" a very poor accent if you ask me
"I need a priest...(a bunch of words I don't understand...)"
"yea hes totally talking about us, who was it? thunder?"
--ok I'm getting bored with this and I'm out of doody.... see if I can pick anything up from the bedroom
"yea, pepperoni a while ago, if we Q we may...."
"We are doing it"
"he kept whispering to me and telling me to kill him"
--well thats sadistic
"this is like my least favorite fight"
--same page
"sluuuuuurp"- that was more the drink he's drinking, must've been good, I wouldn't know, I took the night off drinking... humph
--he thinks all I'm doing is playing on pinterest yea right, he thinks i think all he's doing is playing his game... I know he's fondling himself too. NERD
"you laughing at me? just wait, i had celcius on bogus, as soon as he jumps across there he's getting life fit to the fit"
--what does that mean?
"i dont thin hit worked, it didn't work, probably scared the crap outta him though. hey sometimes he bugs out and they die"
"aaah chOOOOO!"
-twas a sneeze
"hahaha, yea, he started it off, yea"
"yea its kinda fun, as long as you don't die"
--seriously all this could just be them talking about jacking off
"I could just lie and come over to you guys if u want me to"
"team work, awesome"
--what is the the fucking wonder pets??
"did you trick the priest?"
"yea, it killed that priest"
--soooo going to hell
"see that priest should have faded once he started to get hit with that ace, but you know"
"yea, you definitely know when your getting hit as a priest, all your health goes away"
"Ouch... Silence."
"Ok, I've got 45 seconds left, I think"
"I hate you"
"moved some trash..." I don't know this one was garbled.
"They said capri's"
I may be off on that one, can't hear well.
I'm moving closer to hear better. Toilet blogging
"yea, thats what i always do, then into the vault"
"thats the second time this happen, sucks"
''Yea they're all the same guild"
"You say something??"--he yelled to me... Lily was bugging me while I was on the toilet. damn dog. doesn't she know I'm on a reconnoissance mission??!
"I hate you, het does it have me listed as UPS, I can't tell"
--again I'm filling in the blanks when I can't quite understand him, thats just what it sounds like
"Digbee, I mean Ridgebee's never wrong, huah huah huah"
---that last part was an "evil laugh"
"I'll do a boy guild with you too with the tordols"
"I have lots of tordols"
--tordols?? like the painkiller?
"they should make it that every time u kill a dragon, a gnome pops out of your belly and starts singing kesha... that'll work too"
--sounds like i'd make that up, but that one was word for word. word. for. word.
"Yea I like that , ha ha ha"
--that was lame fake laugh. not sincere, nobody bought it.
"I don't think he has thumbs so i think he can't play"
"I still think we should get on mumble, haha, oh thats the shit"
I'm on the toilet. My poo smells like someone has died and what little is left of their rotting corpse is finishing rotting in my toilet. I think I need a doctor.
Theres been silence from the other room for a while now. I think he's onto me, either way I'm getting bored. Lets pick it up nerd face.
"meh he he he"
"y'all see a story on can today, the picture of him was him on a yacht, watching the election results"
"didn't i tell u guys one time i was the political correspondent for a republican news site"
"not really"
"what an ironic name"
--come on talk more about dragon and gnome bellies. I can get on board with that. Instead I am just on bored. Puns! See how bored I am? Puns. tsk tsk
"yea its 40 seconds faster than my normal kill"
"yes please"
"oh you meant like an item, crap, dangit, I knew that"
"the sky on fire"
--he said this with a boston or new york accent. so fire was actually like "Fi-yuh" a very poor accent if you ask me
"I need a priest...(a bunch of words I don't understand...)"
"yea hes totally talking about us, who was it? thunder?"
--ok I'm getting bored with this and I'm out of doody.... see if I can pick anything up from the bedroom
"yea, pepperoni a while ago, if we Q we may...."
"We are doing it"
"he kept whispering to me and telling me to kill him"
--well thats sadistic
"this is like my least favorite fight"
--same page
"sluuuuuurp"- that was more the drink he's drinking, must've been good, I wouldn't know, I took the night off drinking... humph
--he thinks all I'm doing is playing on pinterest yea right, he thinks i think all he's doing is playing his game... I know he's fondling himself too. NERD
"you laughing at me? just wait, i had celcius on bogus, as soon as he jumps across there he's getting life fit to the fit"
--what does that mean?
"i dont thin hit worked, it didn't work, probably scared the crap outta him though. hey sometimes he bugs out and they die"
"aaah chOOOOO!"
-twas a sneeze
"hahaha, yea, he started it off, yea"
"yea its kinda fun, as long as you don't die"
--seriously all this could just be them talking about jacking off
"I could just lie and come over to you guys if u want me to"
"team work, awesome"
--what is the the fucking wonder pets??
"did you trick the priest?"
"yea, it killed that priest"
--soooo going to hell
"see that priest should have faded once he started to get hit with that ace, but you know"
"yea, you definitely know when your getting hit as a priest, all your health goes away"
Ok, getting bored with this. Happy masterbating!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
It's a forest of sweet treats!
Needed something to do this rainy evening, something to keep a certain 5 year old happy for a little while. So I decided on these. Just stab a large marshmallow with a skewer, dip it in some melted chocolate (we had reeses chocolates and white chocolates) sprinkle them and let them cool. Or eat them while they're still warm. Your choice. We just stabbed them into this foam board we had laying around.
He called it a forest. Pretty delicious forest if you ask me.
I know, I'm Martha Stewart. Minus the past prison rape history.
Chicken n Dumplins
Well this is a new one. Bloggin about a recipe. Seems to be the thing to do. But I want to share my genius with the world. I shouldn't be the only one. It's a burden to be as amazing as myself and now you faithful readers can also have a taste (pun!!) of my genius.
I'm sick. I need comfort food when I'm sick. Already had hot wings for lunch (the spicey clears up my sinuses) so what to do for dinner? You know what would be good? Some Cracker Barrel Chicken and Dumplins. mmm. But its nasty and rainy outside and I feel like an ass-crack that hasn't been wiped since the fifties.
So I took a swing at it. Now keep in mind, I followed no recipe. No recipe and made the most amazing chicken n dumplins ever. Here's about what I did:
1 can chicken broth
3 cans water
1 can of cream of celery soup (it was just in the cabinet and needed to be used)
A pack of defrosted chicken tenders (raw)
I put all that in a crock pot with some salt n pepper and some onion powder (just a couple shakes Then I cooked that on high for maybe 3 hours
Then I got to work on the Dumplins. I made them from bisquick. I think it's 2 1/4 cups bisquick and 2/3 cup water. Mix until its a dough and drop it by small spoonful into boiling water. Let boil for about 3-4 minutes and transfer dumplins with spoon to crock pot full of goodness. Continue to cook about 10 minutes and voila.
Magical chicken and dumplins. A swing and a hit. More than a hit, a home run, a slam dunk, a touch down, gooooooal! Sports metaphor, you get the idea.
-Anyway, it's really not hard and the outcome is amazing homecooked chicken and dumplins.
Pure. Genius.
Until next time, keep it real. (did I really just say that?)
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I'm sick. I need comfort food when I'm sick. Already had hot wings for lunch (the spicey clears up my sinuses) so what to do for dinner? You know what would be good? Some Cracker Barrel Chicken and Dumplins. mmm. But its nasty and rainy outside and I feel like an ass-crack that hasn't been wiped since the fifties.
So I took a swing at it. Now keep in mind, I followed no recipe. No recipe and made the most amazing chicken n dumplins ever. Here's about what I did:
1 can chicken broth
3 cans water
1 can of cream of celery soup (it was just in the cabinet and needed to be used)
A pack of defrosted chicken tenders (raw)
I put all that in a crock pot with some salt n pepper and some onion powder (just a couple shakes Then I cooked that on high for maybe 3 hours
Then I got to work on the Dumplins. I made them from bisquick. I think it's 2 1/4 cups bisquick and 2/3 cup water. Mix until its a dough and drop it by small spoonful into boiling water. Let boil for about 3-4 minutes and transfer dumplins with spoon to crock pot full of goodness. Continue to cook about 10 minutes and voila.
Magical chicken and dumplins. A swing and a hit. More than a hit, a home run, a slam dunk, a touch down, gooooooal! Sports metaphor, you get the idea.
-Anyway, it's really not hard and the outcome is amazing homecooked chicken and dumplins.
Pure. Genius.
Until next time, keep it real. (did I really just say that?)
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Bleep bloop blam!
I Don't know what the title should be of this blog so thats why it's retarded. Retarded like your moms face! Damn. I mean come on, that was too easy, you walked right into that one.
I've been making sequined stuff. I basically just hot glue rhinestones/sequins to shit and sell it on etsy. It's not all that fun but they're pretty and it keeps me busy. I don't think I've really made any money bc I keep advertising. This shit will sell itselvvvves! See how cute?!
- I know. Only the cutest flask you've ever seen! Who wouldn't want to drink they're liquor out of this?! I mean besides those people in this world who've never had balls in their mouth. Speaking of balls in your mouth I don't think you should be allowed to put your balls in someone's mouth, or request that your balls go in someone's mouth unless u know what balls taste like. Go ahead. Lick some balls, yea. Tastes pretty bad don't it? Kinda exactly like u think sweaty balls should taste. Salty, with a hint of front wiped ass. I said it. Now keep those things away from my face. It's been a while since I've blogged. Admit it, you've missed it. You've been dying for an update. Your life is soooo boring that you need to read all about mine and then lay awake and dream at night that it's yours. Well guess what, it's not. Suckers! Speaking of suckers, i just ate a sucker at work. I have a stash of old Halloween candy in my box. And I think someone's been stealing my candy. Anyway. My sucker. It was orange. It was a tootsie pop. It was delicious. But then when I bit it to savor its tootsie goodness I choked on a shard of sucker! Hurts. And I keep coughing. But my coughs still taste like orange sucker so that's good. I'm laying in bed at work. Yea. I have a bed at work. Bc I'm a hooker. Not really for all u morons who can't get internet sarcasm. Damn you's. So in bed. And in this bedroom, left from Medics past, is a unicorn. No kidding. Here's a picture.
See it?? Theres other stuff too that's weird but that's not what I'm talking about right now. Focus on the unicorn. So It scares me. What on earth would possess u to bring that to work? What purpose could it serve here? And u know what the conclusion I came up with is: it's a lesbian dildo unicorn. It's horn is awfully ribbed. And horny. And it's furry. U know those lesbians love their muffs. Aaaaaaanywaaaaay. I have red hair now. And it's super cute. I mean, I'm super cute so of corse my hair is too.
See. Cute. And cute hat too right? I wear it to work now. I had an uglier one, but now the ugly one is my back up. I mean I can come to work with the greasiest mess of hair, and still be fly bc I gots me a cool hat. I kinda look like a chipmunk in that pic. Really emphasizes my nose too. Still cute. The movie Red Tails is about the Tuskegee airmen. So they're having some sort of premier party this weekend at the university. We got called to post but the other crew ended up going bc one of them got really excited when he heard George Lucas was gonna be there. So they posted all day. From 8 until 7. Georgey boy isn't supposed to show up till Monday. Bahahhahhahha! Sad and long day for u sclera! Sclera? Really iPhone? Ok whatever. That's enough blogging. Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- I know. Only the cutest flask you've ever seen! Who wouldn't want to drink they're liquor out of this?! I mean besides those people in this world who've never had balls in their mouth. Speaking of balls in your mouth I don't think you should be allowed to put your balls in someone's mouth, or request that your balls go in someone's mouth unless u know what balls taste like. Go ahead. Lick some balls, yea. Tastes pretty bad don't it? Kinda exactly like u think sweaty balls should taste. Salty, with a hint of front wiped ass. I said it. Now keep those things away from my face. It's been a while since I've blogged. Admit it, you've missed it. You've been dying for an update. Your life is soooo boring that you need to read all about mine and then lay awake and dream at night that it's yours. Well guess what, it's not. Suckers! Speaking of suckers, i just ate a sucker at work. I have a stash of old Halloween candy in my box. And I think someone's been stealing my candy. Anyway. My sucker. It was orange. It was a tootsie pop. It was delicious. But then when I bit it to savor its tootsie goodness I choked on a shard of sucker! Hurts. And I keep coughing. But my coughs still taste like orange sucker so that's good. I'm laying in bed at work. Yea. I have a bed at work. Bc I'm a hooker. Not really for all u morons who can't get internet sarcasm. Damn you's. So in bed. And in this bedroom, left from Medics past, is a unicorn. No kidding. Here's a picture.
See it?? Theres other stuff too that's weird but that's not what I'm talking about right now. Focus on the unicorn. So It scares me. What on earth would possess u to bring that to work? What purpose could it serve here? And u know what the conclusion I came up with is: it's a lesbian dildo unicorn. It's horn is awfully ribbed. And horny. And it's furry. U know those lesbians love their muffs. Aaaaaaanywaaaaay. I have red hair now. And it's super cute. I mean, I'm super cute so of corse my hair is too.
See. Cute. And cute hat too right? I wear it to work now. I had an uglier one, but now the ugly one is my back up. I mean I can come to work with the greasiest mess of hair, and still be fly bc I gots me a cool hat. I kinda look like a chipmunk in that pic. Really emphasizes my nose too. Still cute. The movie Red Tails is about the Tuskegee airmen. So they're having some sort of premier party this weekend at the university. We got called to post but the other crew ended up going bc one of them got really excited when he heard George Lucas was gonna be there. So they posted all day. From 8 until 7. Georgey boy isn't supposed to show up till Monday. Bahahhahhahha! Sad and long day for u sclera! Sclera? Really iPhone? Ok whatever. That's enough blogging. Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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